Let’s face it.  No one wants to be disliked; we all want to be liked.

Research shows that well liked people are better adjusted throughout life (Wortman & Wood, 2011).   The extent to which someone is liked has also been shown to impact mental health, well-being, and academic performance (Coie & Cillessen, 1993).

Most of us believe that “being liked” is preferable to being disliked.

After all, “being liked” is easier than being disliked.   You don’t have to deal with conflict.   You don’t have to deal with feelings of inadequacy.

 

Of course, no one tries to be disliked.

Regardless of what you do and/or say, everyone will not like you;  sometimes, you are going to have “haters.”

These “haters,” or people who dislike you, may misunderstand your words and/or actions.  They may be secretly jealous of what you have or who you are.   Or, they may simply not like you for some unidentifiable or unjustifiable reason.

Sometimes, your actions (intentional or unintentional) may have caused someone dislike you.  Maybe you inadvertently said something that they “took the wrong way.”  Maybe you got the job that they wanted.   Or, maybe you have the partner that they desired.

Other times, you haven’t intentionally done ANYTHING to make them dislike you.  In fact, maybe you didn’t do anything at all.   They simply don’t like you because you have the wrong color skin, perfect hair, a perfect singing voice, a sparkling personality, a big (or small) butt, or a beautifully manicured lawn.   In essence, there may not be a sound reason for someone to dislike you.

Sometimes, they only dislike you because being critical of you only makes them feel superior.

 

Another reality is that WE HAVE ALL EXPERIENCED THE HATERS.

Humanitarians have haters.  Philanthropists have haters.   Even choir boys and saints have haters.

In other words, we ALL have had someone else do or say something that made us feel badly at one time or more.

For instance, it is hard to believe that leaders like Gandi, saints Mother Theresa had haters, or philanthropists like Oprah have had haters.

But they have.

And, like or or not, it is likely that you do too.

 

How to Deal with Haters

In the New York Times, Carl Richard gives four suggestions for dealing with the haters.   Richards states that you can choose to ignore it, analyze it, shake it off, or deal with it.

Of course, like all options in life, there are pros and cons to all of the choices.

Analysis, for instance, is one of those steps that can be a positive or negative experience.   Analysis is positive when it helps you to view the situation from a better viewpoint. If analysis helps you to realize that you did something offensive, that you can correct, it is a positive.   BUT if analysis causes you to over examine the situation and feel badly, because you know that your actions didn’t cause their dislike, analysis can be a negative choice.

Ignoring the dislike is a positive choice when you know that you didn’t cause it AND are unlikely to change the dislike.  Similarly, shaking it off is sometimes a viable option for reasons similar to ignoring it.

 

Let it Go

If you decide ignoring or shaking off the dislike is the best decision, you must truly be able to let it go.

Don’t let it rent space in your head.  

You have better things to focus on.    

For some situations, this involves dealing with the dislike.   How you deal with it, of course, is your decision.   You may decide that it is best to confront the hater.   You may decide that it is best to have a cleansing ritual to let it go.  (I recently attended a retreat where this was done.   It can be very powerful.)   In cases where you recognize that your behavior was not ideal and that you may have caused the dislike, you may decide to change your own behaviors.

However, Richards explains that the BEST option for dealing with haters is the option that makes you move forward.

In other words, don’t let the hate keep you stuck.

You need to focus your energy on the purpose that you are uniquely here to fulfill.  

DO NOT let the haters bring you down.    

 

Is wanting to be liked preventing you from pursuing your goals?

We all WANT to be liked and accepted.

But unfortunately, some of use want it so badly that we are guilty of letting that DESIRE control our actions, and let our fear of being rejected CONTROL US.    

So we…

• Let it influence our decisions.    
• Avoid following our heart.
• Live someone else’s life instead of listening to our own inner voice.
• Fail to pursue the goals that we have because we are afraid to deal with the rejection of others.  

When you avoid pursing your goals because of the haters, you are giving your control to others.   You are also failing to fulfill your divine purpose, the act that only you can uniquely do.

And when you fail to fulfill your divine purpose, you are cheating the world from your unique gifts.

Don’t fear pursuing your goals.   Set your goals and take mindful, actionable steps to achieve them.

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Coie, J. D., & Cillessen, A. H. (1993). Peer rejection: Origins and effects on children’s development. Current Directions in Psychological Science, 2(3), 89-92.

Wortman, J., & Wood, D. (2011). The personality traits of liked people.Journal of Research in Personality, 45(6), 519-528.